I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
did i walk over a car last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
