I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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