I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
