I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
