I think I am morally bankrupt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
