he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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