So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
