do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
