We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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