what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
