it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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