True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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