Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
