There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
