I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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