Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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