i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
