Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
