I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
