Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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