Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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