when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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