i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
