You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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