how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
