Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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