Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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