I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
