We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
