Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
