i was born a porn star she said
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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