i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
