We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
