Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
