the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
