Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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