I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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