This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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