she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
