She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
