He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
