Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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