i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
