Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
