God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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