it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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