I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
