cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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