mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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