you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
