I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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