Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize