WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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