Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
