I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
