she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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