I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize