Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
